Tuesday, October 1, 2013

I think I found the Ruby Slippers!!

Hello there fellow bloggers!!  I know, I know, long time no blog.  My heart hasn't been into doing much for a long time.  I had the death of my best friend that to say it knocked me off course would be an understatement. It's more like a tornado came through my life, snatched me up and dropped me off in OZ.  Then we had that big scare with my brother, and that was like a hurricane ripping through the land of OZ that I was still stuck in.  Then my husband went crazy and controlling.  I am sure that anyone that had followed my posts caught a hint of his controlling nature. 

Now I believe I have found my way back to the yellow brick road and on my way to see the wizard with my Ruby Slippers on my feet. 

My husband became really abusive and controlling. After talking with a sheriff in my town, I followed his suggestion and got a temporary protection order against my husband.  He was removed from the house on August 2.  That same night, in an attempt to gain back his control over me, (at least that is what I believe), he walked in front of a moving semi truck on an interstate on ramp.  Th truck only clipped him so he did survive, with a lot of broken bones.  I didn't call to check on him except the first day. I wanted to make sure he was going to live.

Ya know at first I felt guilty and bad.  That all turned to anger when I figured out his angle though. He is now living across the country, far, far away from me and the children.

It has been tough, but not as tough as I though it would be.  I don't feel heartbroken, my love for him died in an instant when I watched him punch my oldest son.  It was a week later that he was removed from the house.  I will put up with a lot of shit, but even I have my limits.  I am a mama bear and if you mess with my kids, I am gonna get pissed and fight back.

So, here I am now, starting all over, or maybe just a new chapter.  I don't know.  I do know this though, my best friend was one of my biggest supporters when I was on track and losing weight.  I would check in with her everyday I did my weigh ins.  I would tell her how much I had lost and she was always proud and offered me lots of encouragement.  On November 20, she will have been gone for 2 years and I haven't done a damn thing since she died.  I have only put on 10 pounds in the last 2 years, which isn't too bad considering I have put on 50 in 6 months before.  However, up in weight is not where I want my weight to be heading.  So today, I got on that recumbent bike for the first time since November 2011.  I didn't think I was going to make it through the program that I had selected.  When I felt like giving up, I felt her with me, encouraging me as she always did.

So, I know it was only one time, but it felt so good!!.  My heart rate up, sweat rolling down my face and dripping onto my shoulders and chest.  The burn in my chest and the burn in the muscles of my legs.  I am going to get back in the saddle this time.  I am going to reach my original goal because she would have wanted me too.  And I have no one here to sabotage every one of my efforts because of their own fragile ego. 

So here I am again.  I am starting at 220 pounds this time instead of 290.  I have 70 more pounds to go and I can do it!!!  I will do it!! I have my Ruby Slippers and I am asking the wizard for a way home.  Of course I already know the answer to that. There is no place like home, click, there is no place like home, click, there is no place like home, click!!!! 

I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but if you do please let me know so I know who is around.  I will stop by your blog and offer you encouragement too.

Thanks for reading,

1 comment:

  1. glad to see you are back - sorry for all you went through but happy to see you came out the other side :)