Monday, November 28, 2011

Still Sad

I feel so lost and still hurt so bad.  Everyone is getting worried so I am faking like I feel better but I don't.  I keep having these axiety attacks.  I feel like I am being crushed.  I don't know what I am going to do without my best friend. Normally when I would feel like this, I would call her, but I can't now.  She is the only one that totally understood me.  I know that many people accept me for me but she understood me.  I don't have that now and feel so lost.  I have no one to understand me anymore.  I feel terrible in my own skin right now.  I am very, very sad and heartbroken.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Miss You So Much

It has been 2 days and I miss you more then ever.  This is the longest I have gone without talking to you in a long time.  I still don't understand, probably never will.  Ed gave me your ceramic mask.  I know how much it meant to.  I will cherish it forever and keep it safe like you always did.  You were such a special person.  I wish you could have seen yourself the way everyone else did.  I love you SO very much and my world will be a very lonely place without my bff.  I wish you were here to hold me, talk to me, something.  My heart aches.  Angie tried to say that you wouldn't want all of us to be upset and crying about you.  I told her that was a bunch of bullshit because you would be pissed if we weren't all upset and crying because you are gone. 
I still feel like I am being crushed and I can't stop crying.  I wish you were here!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Why Did You Have To Die

My best friend died yesterday.  I hurt so bad.  I feel like I am being crushed.  My head hurts. My body hurts.  The tears won't stop.  I don't know what to do right now.  So sad!  I am mad too!!  So mad!!  I would hit something if I wasn't too depressed.  I haven't ever had this kind of pain before.  I wish we would have stayed the night with her Saturday.  I don't know what to do.  I miss her so much.  Oh god, help me find the strength to deal.  I'm not doing very good today at all!!  I feel like if I don't keep busy, I will be crushed from the inside out.  She killed herself cuz her boyfriend died.  I am mad at her and I am SO mad at him for ruining one of the most beautiful people I have ever known.  I am sad because she isn't here any more.  I can't talk to her anymore.  I wish she was still here so I could talk to her again, hug her again.