Thursday, November 4, 2010

Sloth, Glunteny, and A Whole Lot of Cussing

Yesterday, I was having such a good day with eating.  My breakfast was a 2 egg omelet with spinach, tomatoes, and salsa(no cheese) with a slice of whole wheat toast.  I had a plum for a snack. Then for lunch, I made a tuna sandwich and had a spinach salad with italian dressing and some dried cranberries.  I was busy cleaning in the afternoon and didn't eat a snack.  Then it came time for dinner.  I realized that what I had planned for dinner would not be feasible and the husband decided to order pizza instead of getting the 2 items I needed for dinner.  This is where the problems started.  He ordered a large veggie gourmet and a large chicken & garlic gourmet.  I told myself I would only eat 2 pieces, one of each and that would be it.  So I then ate 4 pieces of pizza.  I knew I over ate and I tried to justify with fat girl sayings like "Well it was a veggie pizza" or "I had a good day otherwise."  Then I decided to look up the calories...OMFG...1000 calories total.  Yeah, 1000 calories in one meal.  I was then pissed at myself and on top of that, my tummy started to hurt because I had just gorged myself on a bunch of crap that I haven't been eating.  I don't have a gallbladder and if I am eating healthy for awhile, when I go and eat a bunch of high fat foods, it gives me terrible intestinal cramps.  Those intestinal cramps make my uterus cramp, and then all of it makes my back spasm and I am just in pain.  I know this happens and yet I still did it to myself.  Fucking stupid!!  I know it was just one meal and all that blah, blah, blah, but does anyone ever tell an alcoholic it was just one drink?  No, they don't because falling off the wagon even a little could cause you to totally fall off and we all know how hard it is to get yourself up after you totally fall off.  This is exactly why they have 12 step programs for over eaters, because it is like an addiction.  We do these things to ourselves and the whole time we are justifying it to ourselves in insane, unhealthy ways.  I know I am only human and can falter from time to time, but I don't want to.  I don't think I have ever been so mad at myself over food in my entire life.  I felt like a big slug all night too.  I woke up SO mad at myself that I really pushed it on the Gazelle this morning, cussing myself out the whole time.  1000 calories!!!!!!!  Now on the bright side of things, the rest of day was pretty stellar and I with my big screw up, I didn't go over my BMR amount of calories but I still had more then I had wanted to, and way more then what is necessary.  Ask me if I was still hungry when I was reaching for those 3rd and 4th pieces of pizza?  Go ahead and ask and I will tell you I wasn't.  It tasted good so I wanted more.  That is what it boils down too.  When I could have just had the 2 pieces or maybe even 1 pieces and then maybe had a piece for lunch today, but no!!  I had just had to keep shoving the shit in my big ol'piehole!!     

I know some might be thinking that I am being too hard on myself, but this is how I will keep from doing it over and over again.   I have to be hard on myself.  If I just blow it off like it is not a big deal, then I will start doing it every day.  I could also hide my bad day from everyone and not talk about it all, but that also will not be good.  I don't want to be a closet eater either.  Besides, I have been too easy on myself for a few years. 
If you think this is bad, you should have been in my head this morning when I was working out.  

So to get back on track, I took some pictures.



Sept, 28, Oct. 13, today.  I took the pics right after my workout..lol..so my shirt was still wet from sweating.  I call that my sweat-o-meter.  There isn't a BIG difference from last time but I see a small difference but when compared to the first one, I see a big difference. This has motivated to me (well and gut cramps have played a part as well) to keep doing better and to stay away from the pizza.  I think if I want pizza again, I will just make it myself.  That has to be healthier since I won't be coating the pan with enough oil to cause the crust to be like fry bread.

So there it all is, all out on the table.  Today has been pretty good so far and I am going to keep it that way.  Luckily, almost all the good candy is gone from the trick or treat buckets, so it isn't such a temptation anymore.  What I mean by good candy is the chocolate of course.


Always be diligent!!!!

7 comments:

  1. Gluttony is losing it's appeal to me. I'm going to have to pick a new favorite of the 7 Deadly Sins. Any suggestions?

    I bet you don't make that mistake with pizza again. Sometimes things are going along so well we think we're "cured" or something, and we just wanna see what will happen. And then we want it to STOP. stoprightnow.

    Back on track and you'll be fine now. Just a minor setback.

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  2. Your pics look great - you can see it's happening!
    Maybe it's the Superhero shirt!

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  3. alright, the pizza issue: if we're having pizza i have a salad with it - the salad is the main meal. I will try to use a fork and knife for my pizza so I eat it slower...

    i get bad tummy pains with greasy food - i have notes posted everywhere (in my car, at work, at home on the fridge) - don't eat greasy crap!!! it's like you have a brainfart and "forget" that too much of that food, or any of it, will make you feel like shit...

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  4. Hang in there lady! The memory alone of the pizza fiasco will go a long way in helping prevent it in the future! You look great! Now stop the self-bashing and move on! :) You're doing fine!

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  5. That is why blogging is so good. Keeps us accountable. Thanks for sharing about your over pizza eating. Now, put it behind you and don’t beat yourself up more. Love the before and after pictures (and a great way to celebrate how far you have come). Have a good weekend. Christina. Michele

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  6. Hey Christina! We have the same page layout. I also made a pizza mistake a few weekends ago and I will NOT do that again! I hope all is well with you on your journey. I have tagged you in a fun little get to know other bloggers activity. Check out my blog if you want to participate.

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  7. hey Christina .. this a a prime example why making pizza is a great idea rather than ordering take out.. no matter what it is.. when you make it yourself you are in charge.. and now there are so many ways you can do it.. that being healthified is pretty easy... so.. you learned from you mistake.. that Pizza ( ordered in ) might not be a safe bet for you.. better to make our own or at the least get a regular classic crust cheese digiorno pizza .. add tons of veggies to it.. and bake it.. two.. small to reg sizes will cost you around 350-400 calories.. pair this with a hearty,healthy salad.. and you have a meal that satisfies you..

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