Friday, November 12, 2010
I Am Falling Off Track
I have had a horrible week. The last time I worked out was Tuesday. I had to fly to Denver on Wednesday and back home all in the same day. I had to go testify on a case that involved subjects that has brought up emotions surrounding things, terrible things, that happened to me in the past. I was sitting up there on the witness stand, testifying, and was totally blindsided by memories and emotions that I thought I had dealt with a long time ago. The DA was really rough on me to top it all off and I left feeling horrible and like an emotional basket case. I didn't expect any of this emotional baggage to be effecting me like it is and I feel out of sorts because of it. The good thing is, I haven't gained anything, I haven't lost anything either, but at least I haven't gained. Everyone is sick and with the clocks getting set back, they all woke up early today so I didn't get a chance to go work out. The plan is too do it when the kids get home from school, then hopefully the baby will be asleep and they can help with my 3 year old. To be completely honest though, all I want to do is get in bed, curl up in a ball, and cry. I also know that I can't do that. If I give into it, I will end up in a depression and then to get moving again might end up impossibly hard to do. I also know that I will probably feel better after I work out and get moving. However, right now, my heart isn't in it. I am trying to deal with this crap in my own way, but I feel kind of like I am falling to pieces, drowning, losing my footing. I really didn't expect all this to come bubbling up like it has.