Friday, November 12, 2010

I Am Falling Off Track

I have had a horrible week.  The last time I worked out was Tuesday.  I had to fly to Denver on Wednesday and back home all in the same day.  I had to go testify on a case that involved subjects that has brought up emotions surrounding things, terrible things, that happened to me in the past.  I was sitting up there on the witness stand, testifying, and was totally blindsided by memories and emotions that I thought I had dealt with a long time ago.  The DA was really rough on me to top it all off and I left feeling horrible and like an emotional basket case. I didn't expect any of this emotional baggage to be effecting me like it is and I feel out of sorts because of it.  The good thing is, I haven't gained anything, I haven't lost anything either, but at least I haven't gained.  Everyone is sick and with the clocks getting set back, they all woke up early today so I didn't get a chance to go work out.  The plan is too do it when the kids get home from school, then hopefully the baby will be asleep and they can help with my 3 year old.  To be completely honest though, all I want to do is get in bed, curl up in a ball, and cry.  I also know that I can't do that.  If I give into it, I will end up in a depression and then to get moving again might end up impossibly hard to do.  I also know that I will probably feel better after I work out and get moving.  However, right now, my heart isn't in it.  I am trying to deal with this crap in my own way, but I feel kind of like I am falling to pieces, drowning, losing my footing.  I really didn't expect all this to come bubbling up like it has.

8 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a bad week. I'm right there with you. I'm dealing with a surge in my anxiety/depression right now and am pushing, pushing, pushing through. Sometimes a day at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time. I'm looking forward to coming out the other side.

    Hope on!

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  2. I wish nobody had to go through what you had to go through. I obviously don't know details, but I hate that our justice system works that way. The victims just end up being victimized again. I hope it all works out for you and that it gets better for you, soon! Keep your head up and remember to stay focused on your goals. :)

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  3. Hang in there *HUG*

    I'm only 10 minutes north of Denver - I would have given you a personal hug!

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  4. I am so sorry to hear about your experience and having to re-experience horrible times of the past. And fighting off depression makes everything harder. It sounds like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I hope you find solace in looking at your little ones and your other loved ones and gather the strength to move forward soon. It is natural that this would throw you off a little. Stay strong. I am wishing the best for you right now and sending good vibes your way. Hang in there.

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  5. As I have been reading blogs this week, I have noticed that a lot of us are struggling (me included). Perhaps it is heading into this colder, darker time of the year and anticipating the holidays. I have decided to join another challenge in an effort to jumpstart my weight loss momentum again. But let's face it--this weight loss process is a long tedious one, and frustration is sometimes part of it. Hang in the best you can, and there will be better days ahead.

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  6. Sometimes, for me, the fear of being depressed is more damaging than just letting myself experience the sadness that's there. It's okay to be sad about things that happened in the past, especially terrible scary stuff. Just remind yourself that you're not little and helpless anymore. You are a powerful grown woman and you're not going to let that happen on your watch, that's for SURE! (can you tell I've had this conversation with myself before?)

    Hang in there. This, too, shall pass.

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  7. I agree with some of the other commenters. It seems to have been a tough couple of weeks all around with the season and time change.

    I'm so sorry about your week. Sometimes weight loss just can't be the first thing that we think about, as much as we want to focus on it. We have to be gentle with ourselves and acknowledge that we live in a time when we deal with much more stress than we should have to. Just be gentle. Yes, working out will probably make you feel better, but sometimes we just need to focus on something other than worrying about what we weigh. Maybe a walk or some yoga will be better than something that's a tough workout to burn calories.

    Take care - feel better!

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  8. If you are dealing with some heavy stuff right now I wouldn't put any pressure on yourself to lose weight. It seems you've been victorious in not gaining and that is a huge thing in this time. Take a deep breath, deal with the emotions and maintain until you feel good enough to get back up and tackle losing again.

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