Saturday, October 30, 2010

"I don't know why you torture yourself."

My husband and I went to the drive in last night and seen The Social Network.  He decided to get a Drumstick ice cream cone and offered me a bite, which I declined.  He then said to me "I don't know why you torture yourself."  I was really floored by this because I don't feel like I am torturing myself.  I know that compared to the big picture I have only lost a few pounds, a mere drop in the bucket really, but I haven't felt this good ever.  I haven't felt so alive, so full of zest and life!!!  I asked him if he thought I was torturing myself every morning when I workout and he said "yeah, kinda."  then added "I know you want to eat things like ice cream."   I told him that if I wanted to eat ice cream, I would, nothing is actually stopping me but my decision to not have ice cream.  It was like he was trying to convince me that this isn't really what I wanted, that I would be happier to pig out all the time.  GGGRRRR.....UGH!!!!  He doesn't get it, just doesn't get it.  I am not forcing myself to do this.  I am doing this because I want too.  Just like I use to want to stuff my piehole all the time, now I don't WANT to do that anymore.  I think for the first time in my life I know what it actually feels like to be hungry!!  It feels kind of strange really but I like it. I have spent most of my life just shoving whatever was around in my mouth and eating all the time and I don't think I was ever actually hungry.  I mean yeah sure I had those times where I waited too long to eat and felt hungry but it wasn't a regular event in my life.  Now every time I eat, it is because I feel hungry.  I am no longer eating like there is no tomorrow.  Guess what, if tomorrow doesn't come, it won't matter if I ate more or not, so I might as well live well right? 

1 comment:

  1. maybe he is worried that your healthier lifestyle changes are going to create a distance between the two of you?

    Perhaps he needs some reassurance?

    Or he's being insensitive.