Saturday, October 30, 2010
"I don't know why you torture yourself."
My husband and I went to the drive in last night and seen The Social Network. He decided to get a Drumstick ice cream cone and offered me a bite, which I declined. He then said to me "I don't know why you torture yourself." I was really floored by this because I don't feel like I am torturing myself. I know that compared to the big picture I have only lost a few pounds, a mere drop in the bucket really, but I haven't felt this good ever. I haven't felt so alive, so full of zest and life!!! I asked him if he thought I was torturing myself every morning when I workout and he said "yeah, kinda." then added "I know you want to eat things like ice cream." I told him that if I wanted to eat ice cream, I would, nothing is actually stopping me but my decision to not have ice cream. It was like he was trying to convince me that this isn't really what I wanted, that I would be happier to pig out all the time. GGGRRRR.....UGH!!!! He doesn't get it, just doesn't get it. I am not forcing myself to do this. I am doing this because I want too. Just like I use to want to stuff my piehole all the time, now I don't WANT to do that anymore. I think for the first time in my life I know what it actually feels like to be hungry!! It feels kind of strange really but I like it. I have spent most of my life just shoving whatever was around in my mouth and eating all the time and I don't think I was ever actually hungry. I mean yeah sure I had those times where I waited too long to eat and felt hungry but it wasn't a regular event in my life. Now every time I eat, it is because I feel hungry. I am no longer eating like there is no tomorrow. Guess what, if tomorrow doesn't come, it won't matter if I ate more or not, so I might as well live well right?