Sunday, October 31, 2010

Rule # 1: Cardio

Zombieland:The Rules Happy Halloween!!!!

Okay, so anyone that knows me that well knows that I HATE zombie movies and anything else that has zombies or zombie like creatures in it.  So for Halloween I am posting the Zombieland Rules just in case there is some weird zombie virus outbreak today.

  1. Cardio
  2. The Double Tap
  3. Beware of Bathrooms
  4. Wear Seat Belts
  5. No Attachments
  6. The “Skillet”
  7. Travel Light
  8. Get a Kick Ass Partner
  9. With your Bare Hands
  10. Don’t Swing Low
  11. Use Your Foot
  12. Bounty Paper Towels
  13. Shake it Off
  14. Always carry a change of underwear
  15. Bowling Ball
  16. Opportunity Knocks
  17. Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
  18. Limber Up
  19. Break it Up
  20. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
  21. Avoid Strip Clubs
  22. When in doubt Know your way out
  23. Zipplock
  24. Use your thumbs
  25. Shoot First
  26. A little sun screen never hurt anybody
  27. Incoming!
  28. Double-Knot your Shoes
  29. The Buddy System
  30. Pack your stain stick
  31. Check the back seat
  32. Enjoy the little things
  33. Swiss army Knife
Notice the first one is Cardio!!!  Today I am going on the Gazelle, when the baby lays back down.  She woke up early and has my morning all out of whack but I will work with it.  I am also planning on taking the kids trick or treating and the husband says he is planning and epic trick or treating night where he plans on doing the whole subdivision (Yeah right)!

So go out and get your Cardio done in case of Zombies.  They said that fat people would be the first ones to go in Zombieland because fat people can't get very far.  So this is another reason to lose weight, to be able to get away from the zombies!!

I hope everyone has a great Halloween!!  I get on the scale in the morning and I am hoping that all the spooky stuff doesn't carry over to the scale in the morning!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

"I don't know why you torture yourself."

My husband and I went to the drive in last night and seen The Social Network.  He decided to get a Drumstick ice cream cone and offered me a bite, which I declined.  He then said to me "I don't know why you torture yourself."  I was really floored by this because I don't feel like I am torturing myself.  I know that compared to the big picture I have only lost a few pounds, a mere drop in the bucket really, but I haven't felt this good ever.  I haven't felt so alive, so full of zest and life!!!  I asked him if he thought I was torturing myself every morning when I workout and he said "yeah, kinda."  then added "I know you want to eat things like ice cream."   I told him that if I wanted to eat ice cream, I would, nothing is actually stopping me but my decision to not have ice cream.  It was like he was trying to convince me that this isn't really what I wanted, that I would be happier to pig out all the time.  GGGRRRR.....UGH!!!!  He doesn't get it, just doesn't get it.  I am not forcing myself to do this.  I am doing this because I want too.  Just like I use to want to stuff my piehole all the time, now I don't WANT to do that anymore.  I think for the first time in my life I know what it actually feels like to be hungry!!  It feels kind of strange really but I like it. I have spent most of my life just shoving whatever was around in my mouth and eating all the time and I don't think I was ever actually hungry.  I mean yeah sure I had those times where I waited too long to eat and felt hungry but it wasn't a regular event in my life.  Now every time I eat, it is because I feel hungry.  I am no longer eating like there is no tomorrow.  Guess what, if tomorrow doesn't come, it won't matter if I ate more or not, so I might as well live well right? 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Weigh in for 10/25, Brain Crack, My mom's 60th B-day

I got on the scale this morning and I wasn't nervous about it.  I felt pretty confident that I had a good week.  I weighed 264!!!  4 pounds down for the week!!!!  That is 11 pound since starting this blog and a grand total of 14 pounds for me!!!  I am totally excited about this. My best week yet!!!  My BMI has gone from 43.5 to 41.3.  That means that hopefully in a few more weeks I will no longer be considered morbidly obese, just obese.  My waist is 3 1/4 inches smaller, hips are 3 inches smaller but the chest is 1/4 inches bigger.  I don't quite understand the whole chest thing, but hey, I will take it.

I have decided to make Monday's my rest day.  I have a hard time with rest days.  I just feel so much better after I work out but everything I read says you should have rest days.  I feel like I can hear the Gazelle calling me.  I really think I am addicted to those happy hormones the brain makes.  I just call it brain crack.  I can't believe how much has happened in a little over a month.  I knew I had to change how I do things, but I never knew how wonderful it would feel.  I have always made all of these excuses not to workout on a regular basis.  If I would have just got up off of the couch and started moving (and pushing myself away from the table every now and then), I would have realized that it wasn't as hard as I thought.  Don't get me wrong, this is a lot of work, but not as hard as I always told myself it would be.  For the first time in my life I am considering going out for jogs sometime in the near future.  I am also tossing around the idea of doing a 5k or maybe a 10k and maybe even working my way up to doing a marathon some time in my life.  I haven't fully committed to these ideas yet, but I am tossing them around as a possibility.  I am going to keep milling it over in my head but I really think I am going to go for it and make at least a 5k a goal for this next spring and start training for that and go from there.  Of course I would be doing to say I did it and to challenge myself.  I think I am going to start checking into it though.  See what all this brain crack does to my thinking!!

 Yesterday was my mom's 60th birthday.  I threw a Halloween/costume themed party for her.  I made dinner which consisted of lasagna, salad, and bread sticks.  It was SO yummy.  I know it sounds totally full of calories, but I ate a big bowl of salad, a small piece of lasagna and 1 bread stick.  A month ago it would have been a whole plate full of lasagna with a second helping and 5 bread sticks.  Of course I made a cake as well and there was ice cream.  I had a normal, small serving of cake.  A month ago, I would have had a piece of cake that was 4 times (or larger) the size that I had yesterday and a heaping serving(s) of ice cream.  I didn't even have the ice cream yesterday.  I didn't count my calories yesterday.  I just figured I would go over but I figured my mom is only turning 60 once and I wanted to celebrate with her.  If I did go over, I don't think it was by a whole bunch though. 

I hear overweight people make all these excuses as to why they are overweight and why they can't do anything about it.  Their back hurts, their knees hurt, there is too much going on in their life to do it, too much stress, too much of this, too little of that.  I have made a lot of those same excuses and I know how and why it happens but they are still excuses.  My mom always has said to me "Excuses are like assholes and everyone has one."  All the excuses just keep one from living and no matter the excuse, it only hurts the one with the excuse.  I was having this discussion with my aunt last night who is overweight herself.  A couple of years ago though, she lost a ton of weight and I was so proud of her for doing it.  She was doing that Medifast program and walking, being more active.  She lost quite a bit of weight and it worked for her.  She has since gained a lot of the weight back and was complaining to me about how I have take pictures of her now and how she isn't comfortable with her weight.  I tried to remind her that she was the only one that could change it.  She has a bad back, and like me, has had several procedures done for it.  She told me that it was hard because of her health and I reminded her that where there is a will, there is a way and also reminded her that she had all this going on when she lost the weight before.  Then she started saying stuff about it being kind of a mental problem and I tried to remind her also that if she starts again, that it will help with her mentally too.  She kind of ran out of excuses at that point and said that she guesses when it gets important enough for her to do it, then she will do it.  I wasn't trying to be mean and I hope that I didn't come across that way.  I was trying to help her get motivated to do what she says she wants to do.  I know getting the motivation is a difficult and personal thing to do, but I don't think I should tell people that everything is fine and that they should continue on the course that they are on just to be pc.  And besides all that, everyone that knows me fairly well, knows that I can be a bit blunt and sometimes quite rash and that if you don't want to hear the truth, then you shouldn't talk to me about certain things.

Well, that's it for today.  I need to go clean up the house now.  Since we had that party last night and the last guests didn't leave until after 9, the house is still quite messy. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Ladies, quick question

Since I started all of this, I seem to be having more periods.  Has this happened to anyone else?
I decided to step it up this morning and do 30 minutes with a 5 minute cool down on the Gazelle.  I always follow it up with some lunges or squats, some crunches, some arm exercises and stretching.  This morning I did one of those workout shows on FitTV.  Yesterday was a good day too.  I cleaned the house like I normally do and then I shampooed the carpets in the house.  I was literally moving from 6am until about 5pm.  I have everyone worried that I am going through some manic phase and I know I am not.  I have noticed that moving seems to facilitate more moving, the more I move, the more I WANT to move.  I know when you workout, the brain creates some endorphins that make you happier and I think I might be getting some sort of endorphin addiction or something.  I can't think of anything better to be addicted to really.  If I continue to use these body hormones as my own personal crack, then I should be slim in no time at all.

I figured I would share my workout playlist with everyone and why I have picked those songs.

Bad Company by Five Finger Death Punch - Because I am a badass!!!
Never Enough by Five Finger Death Punch - For the naysayers!!
 Your Betrayal by Bullet For My Valentine -Because I have betrayed myself and it is a good song. It has all these fast then slower beats that help with getting pumped.
Master of Puppets by Metallica - This song is about addiction so it reminds that I am not going to be a slave to the fat and food and that I am breaking this cycle of something else pulling my strings.
Sexual Thing by Poison - Becaue I am going to be one sex biotch when I am done!!

 So since I went longer this morning I just let it start over.  There is nothing wrong with ending my workout on the Bad Company song, because it makes me feel like a badass!! 

Music is a good motivator for me.  I have always used music in my life to get through things and there should be no reason why I wouldn't do it now.  I make my own soundtrack for my life I

Okay, well I need to get a bunch done outside today before more rain comes this weekend.  \
Bad Company by Five Finger Death P

Five Finger Death Punch- Bad Company

Monday, October 18, 2010

Weigh in This Morning and Award

I got on the scale this morning and it said 268!  I lost 2 pounds this week.  I am excited about this.  I know it is only 1 pound more then what I lost last week, but I would like to lose 2 pounds a week instead of only one.  It makes me feel like I am actually doing something.  Yay Me!!!!
I received another award.  Thank you Kaye at I Want My Health Back!!

As a condition of the award I am suppose to list 7 things about myself and pass the award on to 15 blogs.  I will pass it on but I am sure some of you have already received it, but have fun with it.

1).  We live with my mom because it makes it easier financially and it makes it easier with her health issues as well.
2).  I have 2 tattoos.  One is a big blue, green, and yellow butterfly with a tribal design behind it and the other is a phoenix.
3).  My family calls me Keena because that is how my little brother said Christina when he was a baby.
4).  I love to bake.
5).  I love watching old black & white movies.
6).  Politics confuse me. I don't know the difference between right and left or liberal and conservative.  I believe it would all be easier if they would all just be 100% honest and not put a "spin" on everything they say.
7).  I worked as a telemarketer for a few months when I was younger.

Awards to:

Bubba at 440 to 200
Cloudy Weight Loss

Cindy at Life at 33%
Shanilie at Losing Over Half of Me
Spunky Suzi at
Vee at Vee Getting Healthy
Honi at Soul Vision
Michele at Ruminations and Uncovering: Toward a New ME!
Erika at Fat Like Me
Kimberly at The Woman Inside Me
Vicki at Getting Fit

Thanks everyone for being so supportive!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Weigh in Tomorrow

Ok, I know I have been MIA all week long, but I have been busy and going through some bipolar phase.  This bipolar phase has made me want to sleep all the time.  Of course I haven't been sleeping all week, I have been fighting back by staying busy which at the end of the day doesn't leave much for being creative enough to write anything with cohesiveness.  Oh, I tried and usually looked like : "Today washjjjkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj."  So I gave up on writing for a few days until I was less foggy.  It happens when you are bipolar or it could just be the way I am, I don't know.  I did take 2 days off of the Gazelle though, but I didn't just do nothing.  The first day was spent ripping up the rest of the old sod in the yard and hauling that off.  The 2nd day I had to dig along the fence line and attach chicken wire and bury it in the ground because I have felonious little pug who love to escape, see the sights, get caught "at large" and cost me money.  He escaped into the neighbors yard the other day and I had the privilege of having the most annoying conversation in my life.  I don't want the neighbor to have an excuse to come over ever again.  She just moved in not too long ago.  When she came over to tell us about the dog, she also had to tell us that sometimes in the early morning, there is a funny sound coming from the garage.  I told her that would be me on the Gazelle probably and she proceeded to tell me that those are a waste of money.  Then she tells me that if I want to lose weight, all I need to do is go for a quick 10 minute walk and stay busy...hmmm.  Gee, how come I have never tried doing that?  Oh, and not to eat any carbs at all.  Ok, now I know lots of people have great success with a low carb, hi protein diet, but she said to cut out ALL carbs.  I don't think it is healthy to not have any carbs what so ever, and I don't think it is healthy to completely cut out ALL fats.  Our bodies need small amounts of these things, keyword being small.  But anyways, I wasn't in the mood to deal with her and this is what she is telling me.  Oh yeah, she says just to take little walks unless of course I like to be all sweaty and gross and tired from working out.  I told her I like the way the hard work made me feel and that I actually felt like I had more energy after working out instead of being all tired.  I also told I knew how to shower so being sweaty wasn't a problem either.  She just gets under my skin so I fixed the fence.

I have my weigh in tomorrow and with the last few weeks I am really kind of not looking forward to though.  But I will post it up in the morning.  Oh and I got an award to that I am going to get done tomorrow as well.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The scale doesn't show it, but pictures don't lie!!

 With the picture up above, the one on the left is the newest picture.  The one on the right is the newest one in the picture below.
So the old ones were taken on Sept. 28, and the new ones were taken today.  I don't know about anyone else, but I see a change.  I had to do some side by side comparison because of what the scale says.  The whole scale thing is really, really bothering because I feel like I am getting smaller.  I still don't get it, really I don't. 
I did more of the same today.  I couldn't sleep that well last night, so I am really tired today.  I still did my workout this morning and I ran errands with my mom today.  I hope I sleep better tonight.  My brain is kind of foggy, so thats all I have for now.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My Mom, Weigh In, and Frustration

Thank you everyone for the get well wishes for my mom.  Everything went really well, in fact she is doing better then the last time she had this same surgery.  She does have to go back in again in January though so they can make sure they got everything.  With her hep c, her liver is bad, and the doctor says her spleen is being affected by the bad liver.  Between the bad liver and the going bad spleen, her immune system is compromised.  She doesn't have as many blood cells as she is supposed to have, which I guess makes it easier for things like cancer to happen.  So any time she has any kind of changes, they don't do any kind of wait and watch kind of response that they might do with healthier people and they go in right away and take care of it.  In January when she goes in, the doctor said he is pretty sure they won't have to do anything but look around, however he wants to make sure everything is gone.

While she was in the hospital though, I took the kids to an arboretum that we have here.  It is SO beautiful and it smells so wonderful.  There are all of these trails and walkways and different gardens.  The place is
 huge.  We walked around for over 2 hours and this was after I did my Gazelle workout in the morning.  Then I took them to the park and we all played there.  Just when I was getting sick of being at the park, they called and said it was time to go get my mom.  I took all these pictures everywhere all day.  Me and the kids had lots of fun though.

Okay, so onto my weigh in.  Forgot to do it yesterday morning, so I did it this morning and the scale said 270.  I am disappointed that I only lost 1 pound, again.  I even stepped it up this last week.  Of course, I started my period yesterday, and this is the first time in years that I didn't gain any weight for my period week.  I am hoping that when I weigh in next week, it will reflect that I have been losing and it was just my period causing it not to show on the scale.  It is very frustrating still though.  I can see my body changing.  I can feel my body changing.  I am doing way more exercise then I have ever done at any point in my life.  I am eating half the amount that I was eating just a few months ago.  That is what is frustrating is doing all of this, seeing the physical changes but not having the numbers there.  I don't know why or what is going on, but I am going to stay the course.  I will continue to do what I have been doing for the next week, and if there isn't much change on the scale next week, I am going to change what I am doing.  I know I should be proud of that one pound, but it is completely mind boggling to me because I am really working hard here.  I just feel like it should be more.  I started walking a week before I started the blog and at that time I weighed 278, so in a month, I have lost a total of 8 pounds, which is great, but if I only lose 1 pound a week, well it will take me 2 and half years to lose my weight and I can't wrap my mind around that right now.  This just isn't making sense in my head.

Today I did my normal workout and then I went out and ripped up all the dead sod in the front yard.  I didn't do ALL of it, but most of it.  I really worked out there today.  I don't know if I am going to be able to move tomorrow, but right now I feel great.  I am going to try to get the rest of it up on Thursday because tomorrow I have to take my mom to some appointments and will be busy with that all day.  There isn't much left but I had to take care of the baby because she woke up before I was done.  But for now, I think I am going to go get ready for bed.  I am exhausted again today.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My plans always fall apart

The plan for my Sunday was to sleep in and when I woke up, I was going to make strawberry crepes for everyone.  Then be a slug for the rest of the day.

Well, the baby ended up waking up at 6:00, so I guess I slept in 30 minutes.  Her and I played together until everyone else woke up.  Then we ended up having a hot air balloon flying over the house which was cool and while I was out there taking pictures of the hot air balloon, I found that little guy (or gal) up above.  Today was the first time I have ever seen a real slug. Kinda a gross little thing but kinda cute at the same time, weird little thing.
The husband finally decided to get out of bed after all the balloon and slug fun (apparently, since he was still in bed, I guess it is fair to say he was having his own slug fun).  He also decided that strawberry crepes weren't going to fill him up and he wanted biscuits and gravy. I ended up cooking 2 different meals for breakfast.  Everyone but the husband had the crepes and he was all alone in his heart attack feast.  Those crepes were SO yummy, and the recipe said it was low fat and low calories.  The fresh strawberries were so sweet too.  I kind of was thinking along the lines of my husband though, about the whole not going to fill ya up.  I was so pleasantly surprised though because I ate 2 of them and they weren't that big.  I will admit that I did fix myself 3 of them, but I just couldn't eat the 3rd one.  I was full and was like "OMG!!"

Then the baby needed a nap (lucky little girl) and I thought, "oh forget the dishes, it is time to be a slug."  I really wanted to be that slug, but I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it.  There was weeds to pull in the back yard.  Okay, I understand on many different levels why I am so overweight and the biggest reason is just pure laziness (being a slug).  Our house sat for 2 years before we moved in and all the grass is long dead and taken over by weeds.  Next the house, we have been too lazy and just let the weeds grow.  Most of them were only a few feet tall, but there were some that were a good 5 feet tall (did I mention that I have been being lazy for awhile).  So this is what it looks like now:
All of that was nothing but huge weeds. 

And that is all of the garbage from it.  I did this for 1.5 hours.  My arms felt like jello.  My legs wouldn't stop jiggling either.  I was very sweaty (and stinky), so I took a shower.  Then I started the laundry and the baby woke up. 
I did a photo shoot with the baby too.  We had lots of fun playing and giggling and hugging and smooches too. 
I guess I wore her out after a few hours playing and it was time for her take another nap as well.  I really felt like I could totally be a slug at that point, but instead continued with the laundry.  I hate folding clothes but I got it done today.  When she woke up, we all went for a long walk.  Well, the boys actually rode their bikes and it was great family time.  When we got back, it was time for dinner.  I cooked pork chops.  Now I am not a big fan of pork chops, so I shared mine with my 10 year old.  We also had scalloped potatoes and salad.  I love salad so I had this huge bowl of it with Italian dressing.  I like Italian dressing because a little bit goes a long way and I don't feel the need to use as much as I would if I used ranch.
Then we all watched a special on National Geographic about crystal caves.  We only caught the end of that show but then there was this wonderful show about the Hubble telescope.  Then I soaked in the tub, so I guess that was kind of my slug moment that I had been talking  Everyone went to bed and here I am.  I feel pretty tired tonight. 

My mom has a procedure tomorrow and I am taking her.  She has a bunch going on with her.  My mom was/is a true hippy.  I mean the real Haight & Ashbury kind.  Well, the best way to put it is the 60's and 70's caught up with her in her 50's.  She has Hepatitis C and has been through the treatments and all, but it is still effecting her health.  She is at higher risk of  cancer because of the hep c.  She also has acid reflux or GERD or whatever they call it.  They have her go in every year for a scope and this last time they did a biopsy and found out that there were changes in the cellular level in her esophagus that they call pre-cancerous cells.  She went in and had them taken off once already but the doctor wants to make sure everything is gone and is going to go back in there and remove more tissue if needed.  So those are the plans for tomorrow, but only after I have done my time on the Gazelle.

I never got to be a slug today so I am going to go be comatose for the night.  At least I got to SEE a

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hmmm...I Don't Know

I think the counters on my Gazelle are kind of screwy.  Whenever I am really moving on the thing, it says I am going like 1.3 mph then when I slow down it says I am going like 3.8  mph.  Also, I was reaching my 20 minute mark and was like at 1.02 miles and I was really disappointed in myself cuz I felt like I was really pushing this morning.  So I go the cool down 5 minutes and at the end it says I went a total of 1.48 miles.  WTF!!  Really?  So according to the counters, it took me 20 minutes to go a mile when I was really moving, and then when I slowed down (a lot too by the way) I went almost 1/2 mile in 5 minutes.  It is like it needs time to catch up to  I can also smell the rubber bands getting warm, that hot rubber smell.  I almost think that when I  look down, I will see smoke coming from the things.  So I have concluded I am too much of a badass for the Gazelle, because it can't keep up with me.  I also think I have made it my prison biotch.  Yes, that is right Gazelle, I OWN YOU!!!  I guess though, all that matters is I get my heart rate up and keep moving no matter what the counters tell me. However, there is something about having those stats that makes ya feel like you are really getting things done.

I was up early today, before everyone else.  I took this beautiful photo of the the sunrise.  Sunrises to me bring a feeling of new beginnings and are a great way to start a day.  I never knew that until the last month or so since I have been waking up early.  I never knew  I like waking up early everyday either.  I feel more positive then if I wake up later when everyone else is waking up, when it feels like the world is moving at warp speed and I have a hard time catching up.  Waking up early means that everyone else has to catch up to me.


I am in pain everyday of my life.  I know I keep saying this but today I really hurt.  I keep pushing through the pain and the pain drives me most days.  Plus, if I slow down, it hurts that much more.  My back always feels like I have needles digging into the bones, and I know what it feels like to actually have real needles digging into the vertebrae of your back. 

When I first starting the doctor after my accident, I had several procedures done to try to help with the pain and none worked, so I had the spinal fusion and felt great in my neck.  Shortly after having the fusion, I got pregnant with my 3rd son.  After having him is when the lower back really started to hurt.  I get sciatica pain down my right side and I get this electric shock feeling in the front of my left thigh.  I tell the doctors that and they try to describe it like I am getting a pinching feeling in my thigh or something.  I have told them "No, it feels like someone puts a taser on a low setting and literally zaps my thigh."  That feeling hasn't been happening so much anymore, thankfully. 

Well, anyways, I went back to the doctor after having my son.  I went to the same doctor that did my spinal fusion.  I remember being in the exam room talking to him and him telling me that there wasn't a doctor in their right mind that would do surgery on my lower back because I was fat.  He didn't use overweight or too big, he said fat.  Now, I already knew this and I accepted it.  He then told me that I needed to go see the bariatric doctors and have a gastric bypass done.  Okay, this was after I had gained a lot of weight and then lost the weight that I had gained and then some.  I was totally floored!!  I had lost like 40 pounds all on my own and was still losing.  If I hadn't been working so hard in the first place, I would totally have agreed with him.  That was the last time that I really tried to lose weight, like 3 years ago.  I have since put back on all that weight that I had lost and then some.  I used my back pain as an excuse to do nothing for 3 years.  I got really depressed after that because I figured I was doing all that hard work for nothing, that no matter what I do, I will always be fat unless I have some surgery to "cure" it.  I am not saying that I am against the bypasses or the lapbands or anything, but that they are not right for me.  I have always felt that I wanted to lose it on my own to have that sense of accomplishment.  I sit here this morning and I can't believe I let that doctor allow me to derail myself.  It isn't his fault, he was just saying that it was unhealthy for me to maintain my current weight, of course he was a jerk about it.  His final words to me that day were "You are always going to be in pain.  You need to buck up, take your big girl pill, and deal with it because I can't help you.  I am tired of all you people coming to me telling me you want me to fix you when you do nothing for yourselves."  I cried all day that day.  I felt like a loser and that I was always going to be a loser no matter what I did.  I think he must have been having a bad day or something because he was always nice before that.  I later found out from some of the other doctors (I worked in a hospital at the time on an orthopedic floor) that he had been going through a divorce and she was really trying to stick it to him, so maybe that is what is was.  I don't know, but I am done with my pity party that has lasted over 3 years.

Well, everyone is awake now and they all want my  Maybe I will just go on a big walk with everyone today to wear them all

Friday, October 8, 2010

Warning: This is a very female posting about female issues, so men, you have been warned!! Read at your own risk!!

I have all sorts of female issues with my downstairs female parts.  I have had cysts, the uterus is tilted really bad and I might have endometrious but they want to do surgery to confirm that diagnosis and I don't see it necessary at  this point in my life to have someone jabbing camera's every where down there just to see what is going on, for now.  So I am one week before I should start my period.  I start putting on a ton of weight this time of the month (which all goes away about 3 days after my period starts).  This weight has been as low as 5 pounds and as high as 15 on really bad month. Oh, and I start craving chocolate usually.  I start getting lots of pain a week before as well.  Today the pains have started.  I just want to curl up in a ball sometimes and cry, but I can't. So I just stayed busy all day, now I feel exhausted!!  I did my 20 minutes on the Gazelle and went 1.27 miles...YAY!!!!  I was so very excited about that.  Cleaned the carpets in the babies room, I cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the living room, played with the kids, cooked breakfast, made lunch, played with the kids some more.  I am just really beat now and it is only 4:00.  I still have to cook dinner, play with the kids, get everyone settled into bed, which is a like a war every night.  Of course I didn't sleep much last night, so that is probably why I am so tired now.  I should sleep really well tonight.

I took my measurements finally.  My hips are the same size as my waist!  How in the hell does that happen?  And the last time I took my measurements, my bust was bigger then everything else (it's been a few years or maybe a decade) and not the case any more.  Not so excited about that to tell you the truth, or the fact that I am almost same around as I am tall, -7 inches.  Yeah, not so cool.  I am a broadzilla!!  I am so glad I am changing that.

I would always talk to my sister and say things like "If I ever lose weight..." or "If I ever fit into a..."  My sister said to me "Why do you always say if you lose weight, how about saying when you lose the weight."  She would always remind that I would talk about "trying" to lose weight and never really do anything about it.  She said "Why keep trying, why don't you just do it?"  I feel good that I am done "trying" and that I am really making an effort at losing weight.  People always say they are trying and end up being just bigger when they are done trying because they are usually trying some fad crash diet.  I have never tried some fad diet.  I have tried diet pills which did not a dang thing.  I have always known what I had to do to lose weight and be healthy.  I have always had all the proper knowledge on nutrition and exercise, just never really applied it all the time.  My biggest problem has always been overeating and being lazy!!  I always try to cook healthier meals, sometimes they aren't, but most of the time they are.  However, it does no good to cook low fat, low calories if you eat enough servings for 3 people.  Half of my problem has been 100% denial!!  Denying how I eat, how active I am, denying the truth to myself.  I am feeling so much better, well expect for those problems I talked about earlier, but hopefully even some of that will be less as I lose more.

Have a good day and sorry for rambling!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Been Stayin Busy

I have continued to use my Gazelle this whole week.  Man, that thing really gives ya a good work out.  I should have been using that thing a long time ago.  This morning when I got on it, there was no thoughts of doubt, no "I don't think I can do this."  Instead I was more like "I wonder how far I can go in 20 minutes."  I went 1.20 miles in 20 mintues, then I did a 5 min cool down for a total of 1.30 miles this morning!!!  When I am done, my shirt if covered with sweat from the shoulders down to a little under my chest, so my 10 year old went out there for maybe 5 minutes and comes back in and says "Look mom, I was on Gazelle and I'm not all sweaty like you."  I told him to go on there for 20 minutes and then come talk to

The rainy weather has been making my arthritis in my back act up.  In fact, this morning I almost let it talk me out of going on the Gazelle.  I took some ibuprofen, waited a few minutes and decided I am tired of hurting all the time and went and worked out.  The pain drove me to push this morning and I feel so much better for it now, really I do.  This morning was the only time I took the ibuprofen. I have been cleaning the house ever since, doing all that deep cleaning stuff that always gets overlooked because I have "better" things to do.

Well, that's it for now, I need to go finish cleaning.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Weigh In, The Rain, My Gazelle, Blog Award and Other Thoughts

Oh boy, lots to hit on today.  It has been rainy here so my husband hasn't been working.  He does concrete and I guess you can't pour concrete in the rain and it is too wet to dig so I have had the joy of having him at home yesterday and today, ALL day.  I don't really mind that much, it is kind of like a long weekend, but all day yesterday he spent sitting at the computer.  The one time I got on, I was in the middle of typing here.  I got up to finish up dinner and he got back on the computer and closed out my window I was working on, thus losing everything I had written.  I was slightly annoyed, but would could I do right?  So I will sit here until I am done today, even if that means I might have to pee in my pants (I shouldn't have to

I did my weekly weigh in yesterday and I am at 271, so I lost a whole whopping pound.  I was a little disappointed but I feel smaller.  All of my shirts and pants don't feel as tight.  I am not for sure about what is going on at the scale though.  I have been walking, eating right, eating, less, I just don't know.  My sister says that just because it might not show on the scale, that things are still working.  I am going to take measurements this evening and start keeping track of those as well. 

As I mentioned, it has been raining here. On Sunday, the kids and I went on our walk. It had been cloudy all day, but dry, so I figured we were safe.  Half way through it started to rain of course.  There I was with the baby in the stroller, running and trying to take my jacket off at the same time so I could use it to cover the baby, while screaming at the rest of the kids that we needed to hurry because the baby was getting wet.  I am sure that if anyone looked out their window and seen the fat chick running with the baby and screaming, were laughing hysterically.  They had to have been, I would have.  So I got home and dug out the Gazelle that I got for free last winter that has been sitting in the garage as a nice box/junk holder.  I figured I am going to have to do something to keep moving if it is going to be raining, and it will be snowing soon too.  Yesterday morning and this morning, I got up early and used the Gazelle.  Let me tell you, I thought I was going to die yesterday morning.  I was doing it and I thought "Oh geez, I am not going to make it past 5 minutes, but I got there and then went another 15 minutes.  I did a little over a mile in 20 minutes.  Today, I did a mile in a little under 20 minutes, but I was on there longer then yesterday.  I am not sure how long because I forget to reset everything when I got on it and was just booking along the Tony Little way, and then realized I didn't reset anything. 

I have received my first blog award!! And by accepting this award, there are a few conditions I have to meet with it's acceptance.

THANK THE PERSON WHO GAVE YOU THE AWARD:  Thank you Bubba for thinking of me!!

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:               
Describe your blog in 5 words: touching, funny, inspirational, dedicated, and real.
What would you change about your life? Hmmm..this is a hard question for me because I try to live without regret but if I had to pick one thing it would be to have been able to deal with all the bad things that have happened in my life when they happened rather then later in life.

     1).  I am bipolar! I was diagnosed several years ago and was on several different medications.  That period of time that I was on the medications, I gained some of the weight I carry around with me right now.  I didn't like the medications so I found natural, drug free ways to deal with the disorder. 
   2).  I have a bad back.  In 2004, I was in a car accident.  The lady was drunk and hit me going 50mph while I was at a complete stop.  Apparently, all those safety devices in your car only work if certain conditions are met and none of the conditions were met, so my shoulder harness and lapbelt  never locked even though I had it on.  I ended up herniating a bunch of discs in my back and ultimately had a c5-6 fusion in my neck.  I also have a hemangioma on my T12 vertebrae, which is a tumor consisting of blood vessels.
  3).  I was a Certified Nurses Assistant for over 10 years.  I loved it but had to quit due to my back injuries.
  4).  I have never been on a roller coaster but have always wanted to.
  5).  I have a small brown birth mark on my left side on my rib cage.
  6).  I am a survivor of domestic violence.
  7).  I had a stalker once for 2 years until he died.
  8)  My grandpa was the Mayor of a small town in Wyoming until he died.
  9).  I love photography.  I have another blog and it is a 365 project where I take pictures everyday and post up my favorite one each day for a year.  If you want to check it out, here is the link: My 365 project.
  10).  I make hemp jewelry.  Yes, I am a little hippy at heart. 

Lanie Painie at Healthy Schmealthy
Vicki at Cupcakes & Veggies

Kaye at I Want My Health Back
Erika at Fat Like Me

Okay one more quick thing.  I guess my sister went to work and told everyone about how I started this blog and she called me fat and everyone told her she was so mean for saying that.  I don't think she is mean for being able to say things with honesty.  I mean you should always call a spade a spade.  I can't help but think that everyone's wanting to be so politically correct all the time and afraid of hurting everyone else's feelings is part of the reason that American's keep getting fatter.  I mean if when you started to put on a few pounds and someone said to you "Oh wow, getting kinda thick in the middle aren't ya?" would you maybe have done something about your weight way before it got totally out of control?

I hope everyone has a great day and gets out there and reaches their goals for the day!!!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My yummy fresh veggie pasta dinner

Now I don't know if this is the best dinner to have, but it is oh so yummy.  I was inspired by Rachel Ray after watching her one day and I came up with this. 

What you need:
4 cloves of garlic, minced
Olive oil
Cherry or grape tomatoes
1 large onion, chopped
1 red and 1 green and 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
sausage (I use sweet basil flavor from Johnsonville and then cut it into slices, but you could use some turkey sausage)
black olives, drained
snipped fresh basil, oregano, and parsley
1 tablespoon of sugar
A splash or 2 of balsamic vinegar
2 packages any type of whole wheat pasta, I have found the thicker, bigger stuff works best, like fettuccine

Start boiling your water for your pasta and cook according to the package.  Save a cup of the starchy water when you drain the water after it has cooked.

In a very small sauce pan, cover the bottom with olive oil and warm.  When warm, put in half of your minced garlic and cook until it starts to brown, then put your tomatoes in.  Add the tablespoon of sugar.  Continue to cook until the tomatoes start to burst. Let simmer for about 10 minutes and if any of the tomatoes haven't burst yet, carefully pop them open with a spoon. Add the splashes of balsamic vinegar and that cup of starchy water.  Let cook for about 5 more minutes.  Turn the heat off and add the snipped fresh basil, oregano, and parsley.  I just add as much as I like.  When using fresh herbs, you can always add more then if they are dried. 

While do all this, in a separate big frying pan (I know they have a better name but that is what I call it), lightly coat the bottom with olive oil and add all your onions and peppers and the rest of the garlic.  Cook these until your desired tenderness.  I prefer them to be all the way cooked, brings out a really yummy sweet flavor.  In a separate pan, cook up your sauage and when it is done, drain and rinse it, then add it to the onion and peppers.

Now throw the tomato mixture and the pepper mixture and the black olives in the pan with the pasta and mix it all up.  Then serve!  Everything in moderation!!

It seem like there is a lot of oil in it until you eat it and you realize that it isn't that bad.  This recipe makes a lot so everything gets kind of spread out.  I don't eat much of the sausage, but it brings a nice flavor to everything. You can also switch things up and maybe throw in some squash or zucchini or carrots or artichoke hearts.  I bet  if you switched out the sausage for some chicken breast that it would be really yummy still, or even take out the meat all together.

Let me know what you think!!

Sunday ramblngs on a sugar high

My breakfast today was french toast, turkey bacon, and a cinnamon roll.  I only had 2 pieces of french toast with just a drizzle of strawberry syrup and the cinnamon was a small one that I baked, but still it was a lot of bad calories.  Of course, I keep telling myself it is still way better then what I would have ate last month if I would have fixed the same breakfast.  I would have had 4 pieces of the french toast and a cup of syrup and real bacon and probably 2 cinnamon rolls.  Geez, when you put it all in words, that is a whole lot of food.  One thing I find totally cool though, is I ate half of what I am use to, and I feel full.  I shouldn't have ate the roll, but it just smelt so good, I had a hard time resisting.  Luckily though, I ate late enough in the day, that I can just make dinner early and then have a snack before bed and hopefully fall within range.  I guess I am making up for the calories I didn't eat yesterday because at the end of the day I sat at about 1400 calories for the day.  I have been sick with a head cold and not feeling so well and I feel a little better today, maybe that is why I felt the need to stuff my piehole full of all of that food.  I should also double my walk today.

We had to go to the store this morning before I could cook my breakfast and I am checking labels and reading all the info on the items we buy.  I have been reading the same thing on my box of cheerios every morning.  All the healthier choices like Cheerios say things like "Studies show that people who have diets high in whole grains, usually have a healthier weight" or something along those lines.  They say the same thing about the fruits and veggies and many other things.  Basically, they say "eat this and you too will look like a super model."  Of course they leave out the part that says that most people eat those kinds of things because they are making good decisions involving ALL of their food, not just their morning cereal or sandwich bread.  I just don't like how things are marketed.  For one thing, they assume that every person is a complete idiot and make statements that sound absolute.  And another thing, the statements they make are like half truths.  Yeah, sure having the whole grains is healthier for you, but if you eat a whole loaf of the stuff for lunch, you probably haven't done yourself any favors.  They all sound like what they have to sell is the secret to losing weight and being healthy, when it really is only a small piece of a much bigger puzzle.  I guess in all fairness though, they are in the business of making money, not making sure I eat right.  That is my job, and thankfully I am smart enough to read between the lines.

I was wondering a few things about blogging.  How do you get back with everyone everyday or do you?  I really want to, everyone has such wonderful advice and great stories, but I find that it is somewhat counter-productive in my goals that including me moving more.  I have been thinking that I only give myself a certain amount of time each day or something. I mean I could sit here all day on the computer, but I think I would no longer be as big as a house if I did that because then I think I would earn small country status or something.  I am just curious as to how everyone else does this. 

Well I hope everyone has a wonderful day today and you are able to reach your daily goals!!  I have a very long walk to do!!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

My Sister

I came from a "blended family."  My mother left my father when I was 2.  She met this great man and married him.  He too had been married before and brought to the table a daughter as well.  Jennifer is her name.  She lived with her mother and came to our house every other weekend and every other holiday.  I remember when I was little, kind of didn't like her.  I was there all the time.  My mom is this brass biker chick who says what she feels.  She is loud and opinionated.  The man she married, adopted me, so I call him dad.  Dad was also a biker, but for the most part, a pretty laid back kind of guy unless he was working on him Harley.  When he was in the garage, you had to watch out for flying tools and usually heard enough cuss words to make your ears just about bleed. 
Anyways, Jennifer would come over on the weekends.  She had better manners then I did.  She had better clothes then I did.  And she got all of dad's attention on the weekends that she was with us.  She was always telling me to say "thank you" and please."  She would get mad because I would want to wear her nice clothes and since I was kind of a tomboy, I would ultimately get them dirty and stained.  And I felt like I didn't exist on the weekends.  Of course, as an adult I can look back and I understand the situation better and feel kind of bad for being a little snot, but as a kid, well I just didn't like it that much.  She did teach me how to dress better though and she introduced me to Poison's "Look What the Cat Dragged in," which was for the most part my gateway to loving rock 'n' roll.
As we grew older, we grew closer.  She loved fashion magazines and knew all the models.  If it wasn't for her, I might not know that you aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day or who Tyra Banks is. We were both a little bigger when we were teens.  We were both on the bigger side of healthy, but knew that it wouldn't hurt to lose weight and we would try to lose together, but hardly ever did. 
We were pregnant together with our first children. She was due in March and I was due in January.  We ate together all the time.  I remember that Halloween that movie "The Blair Witch Project" was coming out and they made a big stink about it.  My ex husband and I bought the movie and decided to have a little Halloween movie party and invited the family over to watch.  At this point my mom and dad had a little boy and had been divorced, and my dad had remarried (sorry I did a falshforward without all the details).  So, my dad, stepmom, little brother, 2 little step sisters, and Jennifer and her husband all came over and we ordered pizza.  If anyone remembers, that was pretty close to the worst movie ever so Jennifer and I just sat by the pizza and pigged out.  Out littlest little sister had said she was still hungry and the parents told her to go get more pizza, and her reply was "But the pregnant women might eat my arm off."  It was funny.  So needless to say, we both gained too much weight with our pregnancies.

Well, we had a babies and life was busy.  We were still close. We both could have stood to lose weight.  After awhile, a set of twins and a divorce, my sister lost a ton of weight.  I hadn't seen her in a few years and went home for awhile.  I went to her house, knocked on her door, and some skinny chic answered the door.  She looked kind of like my sister but I couldn't believe my own eyes.  I will be honest and I was in shock.  My first thought was that she was too skinny and I was kind of worried.  But I sat there and visited with her that evening and realized that she wasn't too skinny, she was finally healthy and I just wasn't use to it.  I then became proud of her.  Me thinking she was too skinny is something a "fat" person would say.  I realize that now.  Now of course, there are those people that have eating disorders and those people ARE too skinny but my sister didn't even look close to being in danger of looking like one of those women.  She lost weight the good ol' fashioned way with hard work and eating right.
I am so proud of her though.  She is currently 10 pounds away from were she wants to be and hasn't been living as healthy as she wants to.  Her and I talk almost everyday and have been giving each other the encouragement we both need to hear.  She is an inspiration to me and really has been for my whole life.  I truly believe that having her in my life has made a better person.  Right now she is my biggest cheerleader and I love her for that.  She is one of the best people I know!! 

Friday, October 1, 2010

On Dec. 24, 2009 I gave birth to my wonderful baby girl.  She was born at 7:08 in the morning.  5 hours later she couldn't breathe on her own and rushed to the NICU.  They hooked her up to a vent that did all the breathing for her.  They did x-rays, ran blood tests, and did cultures.  Her right lung was completely filled with fluid and her left lung was half way filled.  When they intabated her, they said a whole bunch of blood came out on the tubes.  The doctor came and asked me if I had been positive for any infections while I was pregnant and I hadn't.  He told me that she had congenital pneumonia and they still needed to figure out why. He told us that she might die and to prepare ourselves for that.  I still hadn't seen her at this point because my stupid legs still wouldn't work.  The epidural final wore off enough and I got to go to the NICU at like 8 that night.  I was so heartbroken. There was this most beautiful girl in the world on the edge of life laying there.  I couldn't hold her.  I couldn't cuddle her.  I couldn't kiss her.  All I could do was stare at her.  I couldn't feed her. I couldn't hear her cry.  I felt so helpless, scared. 
Christmas morning, my doctor came in and discharged me.  It took the nurse forever to do anything which was fine because I just spent the whole day in the NICU, sitting next to my daughter.  The test results for one of the cultures came in and she was sick with a Group B Strep infection.  I was completely in shock because I had been tested only a week before she was born and was negative.  The doctor said that I had to have been positive at some point because she was born sick.  They called my doctor and my doctor had to come back in to give me a script for antibiotics. Now we knew what had my baby girl sick, but we still didn't know if she was going to make it.  We left the hospital that afternoon to go spend the evening with our other 3 children.  They had sat at home with grandma, patiently waiting to open their Christmas presents.  Everything just seemed so surreal and everything is just blurry to me, foggy.
We came in  the next morning and after waiting for 2 days while our  daughter wavered on the edge of death, the doctor told us that he believed she had come around the corner over the night seemed to be on the mend.  At that point everything became about when the vent was coming off, and when do I get to hold her.  She stayed for 3 weeks and got to come home.  It was a roller coaster ride every hour.  I would be SO happy to be going and seeing her and cry so hard when I left.

I bet you are wondering why am I telling this story on a blog about weight loss. Losing weight isn't only about shedding the pounds.  It is about living!!  October is Prenatal-onset GBS Disease Awareness Month!  My daughter got very lucky to have made it through this infection with her life and so far she appears to be 100% normal.  She nearly died though.  This kind of event has such a profound effect on the way you look at life.  Little things that you use to worry about so much, don't seem to matter any more.  You don't take so many things for granted anymore.  You realize how precious and fragile life really is.

My daughter fought for her life so she could be with me. Now I will fight for her and my other children, so I can continue to be around for them.  This is what losing weight for me is all about, fighting for my life for my children!!  My daughter had to be such a stronger little fighter and has overcome some of the worst odds.  What I am wanting to do is nothing compared to what she has been through, so I know I can do it.

So now I am going to post up some stats about GBS.  These are copied and pasted from the Group B Strep International website.  Here is the link:   

"Group B strep can infect babies BEFORE birth causing them to be miscarried or stillborn, born too early due to premature rupture of membranes and/or premature labor, or to become sick before IV antibiotics given during labor and delivery can be effective. 

Approximately 1 in 4 pregnant women carry GBS, the most common cause of life-threatening infections in newborns according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). GBS can also infect babies during pregnancy and the first few months of life.
Not all babies exposed to GBS become infected, but, for those who do, the results can be devastating. GBS can cause babies to be miscarried, stillborn, born prematurely, become very sick, have lifelong handicaps, or die."

Every woman should get tested for GBS between 34 and 37 weeks of pregnancy.  Most doctors in the US, already perform this test.  If you know a pregnant lady who isn't going to be tested or is thinking about trying to opt out, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell them my story.  I WAS tested but not correctly, that is why I had come up negative.  The doctor should swab both the vagina and the rectum and most only swab the vagina.  Make sure all the pregnant ladies know that as well, that both need swabbed.

Okay, I think I am done with my PSA.  This is something that is dear to my heart and has affected my life in so many ways, I couldn't even list them all.

So, just a little update on where I am on today on not being as big as a house.  Last night, the husband wanted to go out to dinner and he picked this little Mexican restaurant here in town.  I thought that I would be able to just pick something kind of healthy, but they didn't exactly have a healthy heart section on their menu.  I picked the chicken fajitas and only ate half and put the rest in a box.  When we got home, I decided that since I knew dinner had not been that healthy, it was time for another walk and everyone wanted to go with me.  I was SO happy!!  And yes even the husband!!

I hope everyone has a great day.  I need to go and start moving.  I have a lot to get done today.  Thank you for listening.