Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Me

I am a wife.  I am a mother of 4 children.  I am a daughter.  I am a sister.  I am an aunt.  I am a best friend.  I am a wonderful person.  I am many things, but lately all I can see is that I am a fat, disgusting slob.  Everyone I know would say "Don't say that about yourself" or "that isn't true" but the truth of the matter is I am morbidly obese and that needs to change.

I watched the season premier of Biggest Loser last night and it made me cry.  There was the guy that just fell because his body couldn't move anymore.  I started wondering how far away from that am I?  And I also wonder why so many people are so big?  How come we as a society have allowed this to happen to ourselves?  Why did I allow this to happen to myself?  Being overweight hasn't been a lifelong struggle for me, just for the past 10 years, so about a 1/3 of my life I have been ballooning.  I am currently at 275!! I am the size of 2 people with normal healthy weights.  2 PEOPLE!!!!!  And this is rippling through to my children.  My 10 year old weighs 130 pounds!! My 9 year old has expressed that he doesn't want to be as big as me and he hardly eats.  My 3 year old is fine, for now and so is my baby girl.

My husband weighs as much as I do and he says he doesn't care.  He tells me I shouldn't care about my weight either.  I am not comfortable being fat.  I hurt all the time. I have a hard time playing with the kids.  My blood pressure is always high.  I look gross!!  So, I have all these things going on and my husband doesn't want to support my decision to be healthier. 

I am going to go for a walk with the kids when they get home from school today and everyday from here on out.  This is my start for now.  I am also going to eat less, a lot less and make healthier food choices.  My hope is that if I write about my efforts everyday, then it will help keep me motivated or focused.  I don't really have a big plan here but to take baby steps everyday.  I figure if I go and change everything right away, like I have always done in the past, then I will only revert back to old ways that are no longer working for me.

5 comments:

  1. I just found you through your pot on Bubba's blog. I was 289 when I got to the point where you are now. My husband isn't so supportive either, but my 9 year old daughter truly is. I have talked to her about changing my life through making better decisions about food and exercise and she is totally my biggest fan, if you can be "big" wearing 10-slim jeans falling off of a 9 year old body, that is.

    You have to make up your mind that you are doing this for you with or without moral support of the hubby and hope he decides to come along for the ride. Mine has been losing some weight coincidentally because I make healthier foods for dinners now and don't ask to go out to eat as much.

    Good luck! I'm here for ya!

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  2. Hi Christina,

    I just read about your blog over at Healthy Schmealthy, and I just wanted to say "I hear ya!"

    And as far as support goes, that's what we are here for! Spouses aren't always happy when we start rocking the boat.

    As far as walking everyday, I just have one suggestion: make your goal reasonable and achievable. If you say that you will walk "every" day, and then miss a day, you run the risk of feeling like you've failed. If you say you will walk 1 or 2 or 3 times a week, and then achieve it or even more, you will feel successful. I think its really important to make small steady changes, instead of huge all-encompassing ones that can feel overwhelming after a few days.

    Be kind to yourself. You can always increase the frequency of your walks once your body has adjusted and you have more energy and less pain.

    Most importantly, hang in there! And know you are making the right choice for you and your kids. Best wishes to you for success!

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  3. Hi Christina,

    My wife loves me regardless of what I weigh and I am so grateful for that. I think that is awesome. She is also a motivation to me so I do not widow her at an early age.

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  4. I'm so glad I found your blog via Lanie Painie's.
    Biggest Loser had me crying as well. I can't wait to watch it tonight.
    Take small steps...each and every day.
    And my motto..."Begin Again"...each and every day...sometimes moment by moment. :)

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  5. Good luck on your journey. What has been helpful for me is to read a lot of other weight loss blogs. They are so inspiring and will help keep you focused.

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