Thursday, September 30, 2010

Personal Landmines

I almost didn't get up and go walk yesterday!!  I didn't sleep much the night before and I was really tired, so I had planned on skipping my walk and doing my crunches.  I ended up talking myself into though and I got my 2 littlest ones ready and we went for a walk.  Anthony is my 3 year old and the last few times we have went out to walk, I noticed that he was getting kind of bored walking the same route everyday for over a week.  So I decided to let him led me.  OMG...He had me everywhere!!!  I might let him lead more often.

But that brings me to the subject of personal landmines.  These are those things that people do to ultimately self sabotage their own efforts because lets face it, it is easier to fail then to do all the hard work needed to do.  Like me yesterday, I was tired, so I tried to talk myself into not going for my walk, thus trying to lay down a landmine for myself.  We know ourselves better than anyone else so we know exactly what it takes to throw ourselves under the bus.  I have started telling myself that I can't listen to all these train derailing efforts of mine.  Whatever I have been telling myself for the last 10 years isn't working.  I have my plans and I have to stick with them no matter how much I keep trying to talk myself out of doing things. 

My body doesn't hurt as bad for the first time in over a week.  I was beginning to wonder if I was just going to always hurt...lol.  I was getting use to it though.

My husband!! I have decided I am just going to carry on with what I am doing.  If he doesn't like it, oh well, this isn't about him.  I think eventually he will come around though.  I don't know that he will ever be as supportive as I might need him to be, but that is okay.  I am just going to have to grow some will power for those days when he decides he has to go to Mcdonalds.  Speaking of, have you ever noticed how Mcd's can seem to take a wonderfully healthy food and mess it up by turning it into some heart clogging bomb, like a salad.  I haven't had food from there in so long, I have forgotten when.  My husband on the other hand has probably been there this morning.

I got enough sleep last night and I am ready to start my day!!!  I have a lot of energy today.  Oh yeah, my house progress.  I have put back to order 4 out of 7 rooms.  I am cleaning all these rooms again today and I think I am going to do the rest of the rooms.  They are all easy to get done, so it shouldn't take that long.  Then I am going to get start on all those little things that I discussed a few days ago, cleaning the floorboards, cleaning the walls, the light switches. Whatever I have to do to keep moving!!!

I hope everyone has a great day today!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Husband

YAY!!! I have people here!!  Thank you all SO very much!!!  The support is much needed!!!

Yesterday, I did everything I said I was going to and then some.  Once I started moving, I didn't really stop until about 3 in the afternoon.  And I still didn't really stop because homework needed to be helped with, dinner needed to be cooked.  The list just seems to go and go when you are a mom on a mission.

Today the plan is basically the more of the same.  I was retaining lots of water last night when I went to bed.  I could feel it in my feet and I was up peeing all night.  I increased my water intake yesterday and that is probably why.

We all watched The Biggest Loser last night and for a moment I thought my husband was on board for me losing weight and for him as well.  Then I showed him the picture of my friend that lost all the weight and he says to me "You aren't allowed to get that small."  Hmmm...guess what, I am allowed and I will be small!!!  I told him I didn't care what he thought because this was about him, it was about me.  I said it is going to happen with his support or not.  He doesn't want others to notice me in a good light.  I don't understand it.  I would think of it as a compliment.  I am completely 100% floored by this.  I also told him that he needed to either lose weight so that I am not widow or get life insurance for when I am widow.  I don't understand the resistance.  All the men in his family, on both sides even, have heart disease and have a tendency to die at a young age from heart attacks.  I just don't get it.  How can a person not want to improve their quality of life, because that is what it is really about, isn't it?  How can he say he is living life when the fat is literally choking the life right out of him?  And how could he not want this for the woman he loves?  How could he not want her to be as healthy as she could be?

Well, losing weight won't happen if I sit at this computer all day!!  I am going to go move it, move it!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Have I been living in the dark?

I don't plan on posting twice everyday, but I have some thoughts that I have been running through my head today.  I went for my walk, did my crunches, did my push ups, lifted my little weights, ate my multigrain Cheerios with my 2 youngest, and then started to clean the kitchen.  I normally clean the kitchen in the mornings.  I don't know why I have always done it that way, it just works for me.  I got done cleaning the kitchen, got the baby out of her highchair and started in on the laundry and then started cleaning the living room.  While I was cleaning the living room, I had an epiphany of sorts.  My house is always messy.  Yes, I know that with 4 children, 2 parents and a grandparent, that the house is going to always looked lived in.  What I mean is there are these little things that never get done.  I asked myself why?  I am a stay at home mom so I should have the time to do it so I know that it boils down to time and laziness.  I didn't get to be overweight because I was moving around all the time.  I got overweight because I kept ignoring the things that needed to be done like cleaning the dirty door and vacuuming the dusty corners and dusting.  There is always something to be done and yet, I sat there and sat there.

People as a whole use to be thinner.  I know there are a billions reasons why people are getting bigger like pure laziness and overeating and artificial ingredients in our food, the list goes on.  No one has any "time" to get things done, but it seems that everyone has the time to sit and sit and sit.  People use to be thinner because when they cleaned the house, they paid attention to details like dust on the floorboards and fingerprints on the windows.  They made dinners from scratch not a box or an envelope. There was sewing that needed to be done, clothes to wash by hand, dishes to wash by hand.  I don't know for sure, but I think that maybe 50 years ago, people cared more about how things looked and took pride in a job well done.  I am not saying that people don't care anymore or that pride isn't an important thing, but that maybe it isn't as important as it use to be, and that maybe we as a society don't have as much pride as we use to.

There gyms all over the place these days and somebody is making big money from these.  I don't think that 50 years ago, you would have been able to find as many gyms as there are now.  Isn't that kind of ironic?  We probably have more gyms right now then in any other time in our country's history and we also have more morbidly overweight people then any other time in our country's history.  I had a gym membership in the past.  I paid over $300 for a year membership and went once.  I wonder how many people do that?

So what I am rambling on about is that before over-priced gyms and plenty of extra time to sit, people were thin.  We don't NEED a gym to get healthy.  We need to move!!  Well, that and eating right helps too, but our bodies are made to move and to move a lot.  Our bodies are so perfect, if we keep moving.  If our bodies are designed to move, we should all be moving.  And when I think about this, it reminds of the humans in that movie, "Wall-e."  They all sat in chairs and did nothing for themselves but sit and were big and didn't move.  I don't want to be like that.  I don't want my children to be like that.  I don't want all of us to be like that.

Yesterday's Weigh In

I got on the scale yesterday and I weighed 272!!  Yay me!!  I am very excited about that.  I also had a friend post of a picture on facebook of herself after losing a ton of weight!!  She looks so good.  She was bigger then I am.  I figure if she can lose weight, so can I.  I am glad she posted those pics because it is a good reminder of what can happen if you just put your mind to it to change.

My ultimate goal weight is 130 pounds.  However, I am going to break this down because 145 pounds to lose total, with 142 left to go can sound very intimidating.  My goal weight loss for this week is going to be 5 pounds.  By the end of October, I want to weigh 250 pounds.  Those are my current short term goals.  Next week I will make a new weekly goal and November 1, I will make a new monthly goal!! 

Yesterday I did more yard work for about an hour and a half.  I have blisters on my hands and my arms, shoulders, and back really hurt.  I also did sit-up, push-ups, and some leg exercises with the kids.  We made it more like a competition and we had a lot of fun doing it.  My whole body still hurts like crazy.

The plan today is to go do my walk this morning, come back do my sit ups and push ups.  I also now have a set of small weights and I am going to do some arm exercises.  I have been starting my days out with a bowl of multigrain Cheerios. They are so yummy!! I think they are better then the honey nut ones.  I think this morning I will also add a hard boiled egg for some protein.

Monday, September 27, 2010

My Sunday

I ended up not just spending the day relaxing.  I went and worked in the yard for a little over an hour, bringing up the old, dead sod.  It involves a lot of moving and throwing around the garden hoe.  Then, after dinner we went for a very long family walk.  I counted my calories for the day and I was below my 1800 mark, so we went and got ice cream from Dairy Queen.  Normally I would have got a large chocolate something Blizzard, but I got a small cone instead, which is 330 calories. That is little bit more then a snack or dessert should be when you are trying to lose weight, but I feel that you need to treat yourself for a job well done every now and then.

I haven't been on the scale for a few days, I am going to guess that despite all my hard work, that I have gained a few pounds.   That is what always happens when I first start trying to lose weight.  My sister, the RN, explained to me why this happens.  Apparently it is like a metabolic reaction to having less calories and burning more, so in the beginning, the metabolism is trying to compensate for lost calories.  Now that I know this, I am not going to let it discourage me like I always do and I am going to work through it.  I will step on the scale later today and post my weight on the next posting.  I am hoping my hard work shows, but I will prepare for the worst!!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Trying

I have been going on 2 walks a day now and doing some little exercises at home like crunches and lunges.  My whole body hurts but I kind of enjoy it.  It is that kind of pain that lets you know that you are doing something right.  It is Sunday and I have decided that I am not going to work as hard today.  My body needs a little rest, but I will be back at it tomorrow.  I was thinking I would do something fun with the kids today after we do our house chores of course.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Well, I don't know

I have been moving a lot more and eating a lot less the 2 days.  I got on the scale and it said 272, so, so far so good.  Last night I made a white chicken chili.  There isn't much to it but beans, chicken, green chilies, and spices.  It was so yummy and really low in fat.  I have been trying to keep my calories at about 1800 and eating less sweets.  Speaking of sweets, they make these little ice cream drumstick things, they are mini ones and one has only about 100 calories.  How cool is that?  I believe that cutting out all the yummy stuff isn't a good idea.  If you don't reward yourself for your hard work, then you are more likely to revert back to old ways.  The key I think is to not over do it.  Just because the serving size says 100 calories, that does not mean you can eat 3 or 4 of them.  And did you know that you can make a thing of jiffy pop popcorn, eat like 1/3 of the whole thing and it is only like 120 calories.  I made some popcorn yesterday for an afternoon snack and only had a handful.  I am not sure about the calories on a handful though, but I know it is less then the 120 serving size.  Popcorn is a good snack unless it is drenched in butter.


Well, I had better get moving!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Me

I am a wife.  I am a mother of 4 children.  I am a daughter.  I am a sister.  I am an aunt.  I am a best friend.  I am a wonderful person.  I am many things, but lately all I can see is that I am a fat, disgusting slob.  Everyone I know would say "Don't say that about yourself" or "that isn't true" but the truth of the matter is I am morbidly obese and that needs to change.

I watched the season premier of Biggest Loser last night and it made me cry.  There was the guy that just fell because his body couldn't move anymore.  I started wondering how far away from that am I?  And I also wonder why so many people are so big?  How come we as a society have allowed this to happen to ourselves?  Why did I allow this to happen to myself?  Being overweight hasn't been a lifelong struggle for me, just for the past 10 years, so about a 1/3 of my life I have been ballooning.  I am currently at 275!! I am the size of 2 people with normal healthy weights.  2 PEOPLE!!!!!  And this is rippling through to my children.  My 10 year old weighs 130 pounds!! My 9 year old has expressed that he doesn't want to be as big as me and he hardly eats.  My 3 year old is fine, for now and so is my baby girl.

My husband weighs as much as I do and he says he doesn't care.  He tells me I shouldn't care about my weight either.  I am not comfortable being fat.  I hurt all the time. I have a hard time playing with the kids.  My blood pressure is always high.  I look gross!!  So, I have all these things going on and my husband doesn't want to support my decision to be healthier. 

I am going to go for a walk with the kids when they get home from school today and everyday from here on out.  This is my start for now.  I am also going to eat less, a lot less and make healthier food choices.  My hope is that if I write about my efforts everyday, then it will help keep me motivated or focused.  I don't really have a big plan here but to take baby steps everyday.  I figure if I go and change everything right away, like I have always done in the past, then I will only revert back to old ways that are no longer working for me.