Sunday, October 6, 2013

Oh god I hope I'm not making excuses

My tummy is getting back to normal I think.  I finally ate last night so that is good.  I will start back up on the bike tomorrow morning. 

So I need some feedback.  Since I am starting back up again, should I just go full throttle and exercise everyday like I did before, or should I do every other day. I think I started off in the beginning doing something everyday, but I had to build up to full throttle.  I am out of shape but not quite like I was when I very first started losing all the weight.  I seem to be ok with full throttle, and I think I should just go full throttle.  I guess its all up to me, but some feedback would still be cool.

I feel so much more alive when I work out in the morning though.  Thats why I just want to go at it.  I am in a better mood all day long.  I still don't fall asleep as well as I would like too, but maybe with time....

Well, have a good day!

Friday, October 4, 2013

I didn't do it today

Yep, that's right, I didn't wake up early and do my workout.  1) I went to bed feeling like crap.  I was trying hard not to vomit.  and 2) I think I might have over done it yesterday because by the end of the day, my butt muscles hurt so bad that I was having a hard time moving.  So, I declared a day of rest, well besides work and chasing kids.  I think it evens out though because my tummy has been upset and eating makes me sick so I'm not eating. I am dehydrated, I know that much. So, I think I made the right call with the whole no work out thing.  I will probably not workout tomorrow as well. And if I am feeling better, I will get back to hitting it hard on Sunday.  I am not bowing out though, just sick.  I remember this always seem to happen right when I am trying to get back on track.  I will just get through this and move on, everyone gets sick.

Well, thanks for reading, get out there and start moving,


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Up early for day #4

I didn't post anything last night because frankly, I was too  I am waking up early before work to get my work out on.  Man, I am sore as hell!!!  Everything hurts, of course everything was hurting in the first place, but because of not moving.  Now it is all hurting because OF moving.  It hurts so good though.

I feel great otherwise.  I walked into work and a few people were like "Whoa, you are in a good mood?"  They asked if I had grabbed the wrong Monster, like extra 

Well, it's time for me to head to the bike and make it my bitch.  Here is one of the songs I listen to when I am working out.
Do you listen to anything? What gets you moving when you are working out?

Have a wonderful day!!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Another Day

I am so freaking proud of myself today.  I did it again today.  I got on that bike and rode my ass off.  I picked program #3 and it totally kicked my ass.  I really had a hard time finishing it but I did!!!  The plan is too wake up early and ride that bike again before work.  I forgot how good you feel when you are working out.  I am like on cloud 9.  I'm sore as fuck, but I feel great!!!  I am going to do this! I am going to reach my goal.  My short term goal right now is to get below 200.  That is what I have my eyes set on.  I am not setting a time limit on it though.  I learned last time that it always brings disappointment.  I set too big of goals for myself in too short of a time and then don't reach it causing me to lose faith in myself.  I am just going to do what I am doing and report my progress.

I would like to say that I am not always going to just stick to weight issues.  I might end up using this as just a personal journey blog since I have a lot going on right now with the divorce and my new life chapter.  Sometimes I might just go on a rant about a bad outing to Walmart (ya'll know what I am talking about).  But I will continue to kick ass either way!!

Thanks for reading! Check back tomorrow, might have something more interesting to

I think I found the Ruby Slippers!!

Hello there fellow bloggers!!  I know, I know, long time no blog.  My heart hasn't been into doing much for a long time.  I had the death of my best friend that to say it knocked me off course would be an understatement. It's more like a tornado came through my life, snatched me up and dropped me off in OZ.  Then we had that big scare with my brother, and that was like a hurricane ripping through the land of OZ that I was still stuck in.  Then my husband went crazy and controlling.  I am sure that anyone that had followed my posts caught a hint of his controlling nature. 

Now I believe I have found my way back to the yellow brick road and on my way to see the wizard with my Ruby Slippers on my feet. 

My husband became really abusive and controlling. After talking with a sheriff in my town, I followed his suggestion and got a temporary protection order against my husband.  He was removed from the house on August 2.  That same night, in an attempt to gain back his control over me, (at least that is what I believe), he walked in front of a moving semi truck on an interstate on ramp.  Th truck only clipped him so he did survive, with a lot of broken bones.  I didn't call to check on him except the first day. I wanted to make sure he was going to live.

Ya know at first I felt guilty and bad.  That all turned to anger when I figured out his angle though. He is now living across the country, far, far away from me and the children.

It has been tough, but not as tough as I though it would be.  I don't feel heartbroken, my love for him died in an instant when I watched him punch my oldest son.  It was a week later that he was removed from the house.  I will put up with a lot of shit, but even I have my limits.  I am a mama bear and if you mess with my kids, I am gonna get pissed and fight back.

So, here I am now, starting all over, or maybe just a new chapter.  I don't know.  I do know this though, my best friend was one of my biggest supporters when I was on track and losing weight.  I would check in with her everyday I did my weigh ins.  I would tell her how much I had lost and she was always proud and offered me lots of encouragement.  On November 20, she will have been gone for 2 years and I haven't done a damn thing since she died.  I have only put on 10 pounds in the last 2 years, which isn't too bad considering I have put on 50 in 6 months before.  However, up in weight is not where I want my weight to be heading.  So today, I got on that recumbent bike for the first time since November 2011.  I didn't think I was going to make it through the program that I had selected.  When I felt like giving up, I felt her with me, encouraging me as she always did.

So, I know it was only one time, but it felt so good!!.  My heart rate up, sweat rolling down my face and dripping onto my shoulders and chest.  The burn in my chest and the burn in the muscles of my legs.  I am going to get back in the saddle this time.  I am going to reach my original goal because she would have wanted me too.  And I have no one here to sabotage every one of my efforts because of their own fragile ego. 

So here I am again.  I am starting at 220 pounds this time instead of 290.  I have 70 more pounds to go and I can do it!!!  I will do it!! I have my Ruby Slippers and I am asking the wizard for a way home.  Of course I already know the answer to that. There is no place like home, click, there is no place like home, click, there is no place like home, click!!!! 

I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but if you do please let me know so I know who is around.  I will stop by your blog and offer you encouragement too.

Thanks for reading,

Thursday, July 5, 2012

My little brother

I just wanted to stop in and share a link for a website that I put together for my brother.  He fell and literally cracked his head on a curb.  He was in a coma for 2 1/2 weeks.  They just got him to wake up last week and now he is recovering.  He is in a hospital away from home and my parents have gone to Texas to be with him.  The problem is that it is costing them a lot of money and like many people out there, none of us have ever planned for a situation like this.  So I am asking that at the very least, please check out this website and pass it along for me.  I know this has nothing to do with my weight loss journey but my family really needs lots of help right now.  On Saturday, it will have been 4 weeks since his accident.  I have been trying to update the news section on my brothers page almost daily. 

And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pray that he makes a full recovery!!!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Don't Know Where to Start

The last few months have been terrible without my best friend.  I currently feel stuck in stasis both physically and mentally and the worst part is, I don't seem to care that much.  Everyone else does though and keeps pointing it all out to me.  I spend too much time inside of my own head these days and I cry at least once a day, but more often then that on most days.  I tried to "fake it until I made it" for awhile, but ended up just saying screwing it, I don't care if I am not as happy as I once was.  I shouldn't have to fake anything for anyone and really it was all just really exhausting to be something I was so far from feeling.  Now, I am just a drag and angry all the time.  I am trying not to be so angry outwardly, but it doesn't always work.  Oh, the anger I feel is bad.  I never thought I would be like this after losing someone.  I figured I would just bounce back fairly quickly instead of being this anger, crying, crazy woman I have turned into.  I say things that worry people all the time, but I am more cynical then anything else.  I guess I come off as suicidal on times but I am so far from even thinking about suicide, that I actually find it laughable that someone would think that I am.  Of course those that are the closest to me know not to worry about it and that I have always had some what of a dark sense of humor. 

I don't remember what my last weight was when I last posted it.  I know that I have lost some since then.  I now am at 210.  I seem to be losing like a couple of pounds a month.  I am not really sure how or wow though.  I haven't really cared what I have been shoving in my big ol' piehole.  I have days when I eat nothing but crap all day long.  I am so far off the wagon that it isn't even funny. 

I want to start getting serious again though, channel all of my anger and frustrations into losing weight.  I just don't know how to get started again and I don't have much drive either.  I want to, but I just don't feel like it just yet.  Have you ever been so sad that your body hurt?  That is where I am.  I know that if I just started again, I would feel better.  But how?  I feel so lost!!